"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart." --H.L. Mencken
"The survival value of human intelligence has never been satisfactorily demonstrated." --Michael Crichton
"I confess that though I love to learn, I do not always enjoy being taught." --Winston Churchill
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than speak your mind and remove all doubt." --Abraham Lincoln
"I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals." --Brigid Brophy
"Marriage: A master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two." --Ambrose Bierce
"You get what you settle for." --Thelma, or Louise, I forget
"Too clever is dumb." --German proverb
"'My country right or wrong' is like saying, 'My mother drunk or sober.'" --G.K. Chesterton
"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread." --Anatole France
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." --Hunter S Thompson
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." --Bertrand Russell
"It is easier to stay out than get out." --Mark Twain
"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." --Frank Zappa
"Now you gonna give me my car, or do I gotta come over to your house and stick your dog's head down the toilet?" --World's Best Threat, from the movie REPO MAN
"Don't make me come looking for you--I'll leave you wherever I find you." --World's Second Best Threat, from the movie CASINO
"Love is being stupid together." --Paul Valery
"To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to men, not to other dogs." --Karl Kraus
"Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge." --Paul Gauguin
"It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except for all the others that have been tried." --Winston Churchill
"One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious." --Chateaubriand
"I think it would be a good idea." --Mohandas Gandhi, when asked what he thought about Western civilization
You're Not As Safe As You Think You Are --sign I saw posted near the entrance to the work area, while working as a mail handler for the US Post Office
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." --H.L. Mencken
"Wit is educated insolence." --Aristotle
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." --Cato the Elder
"Wait, I know this game. It's called Cat and Mouse. And there's only one way to win: don't be the mouse." --Cat (Danny John-Jules), RED DWARF
"You meet a lot of people on the way to the top. Don't fuck them over, because you'll meet them again on the way back down." --Ozzy Osbourne
"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon." --Susan Ertz
"To be adult is to be alone." --Jean Rostand
"Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine." --Friedrich Nietzsche
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." --Leo Tolstoy
"Brains are an asset, if you hide them." --Mae West
"Cute rots the intellect." --Garfield
"Always be smarter than the people who hire you." --Lena Horne
"I was too fucking busy and vice versa." --Dorothy Parker, on why she hadn't attended a party
"There is no happiness. There are only moments of happiness." --Spanish proverb
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." --Abraham Lincoln
"All men are frauds, the only difference between them is that some will admit it. I myself deny it." --H.L. Mencken
"Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it." --Max Frisch
"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result." --Winston Churchill
"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not." --Fran Lebowitz
"Television is democracy at its ugliest." --Paddy Chayevsky
"All movements go too far." --Bertrand Russell
"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt." --H.L. Mencken
"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband; show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil." --W.C. Fields
"America...just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable." --Hunter S. Thompson
"It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong--but that is the way to bet." --Damon Runyan
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." --Bertrand Russell
"If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be--a Christian." --Mark Twain
"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech." --George Bernard Shaw
"Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you." --Delmore Schwartz
"The only excuse for God is that he does not exist." --Stendahl
"It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly." --Anatole France
"A woman usually respects her father, but her view of her husband is mingled with contempt, for she is of course privy to the transparent devices by which she snared him." --H.L. Mencken
"The idealist is incorrigible--if he is turned out of his heaven, he makes an ideal of his hell." --Friedrich Nietzsche
"Dishonesty is the second best policy." --George Carlin
"Life is a gamble at terrible odds; if it was a bet you wouldn't take it." --Tom Stoppard
"People who are not in love fail to understand how an intelligent man can suffer because of a very ordinary woman. This is like being surprised that anyone should be stricken with cholera because of a creature so insignificant as the common bacillus." --Marcel Proust
"Love is two minutes fifty-two seconds of squishing noises. It shows your mind isn't clicking right." --Johnny Rotten
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." --H.G. Wells
"Woman was God's second mistake." --Friedrich Nietzsche
"It's a man's world, and you men can have it." --Katherine Anne Porter
"They talk of my drinking, but never my thirst." --Scottish proverb
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious." --Oscar Wilde
"Our ignorance of history makes us libel our own times. People have always been like this." --Gustave Flaubert
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." --William James
"Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat." --John Morley
"Age doesn't grant wisdom. Rather, time lends perspective--which is the illusion of wisdom." --Russ Anderson
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid." --George Bernard Shaw
"I don't think suicide is so terrible. Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom, you should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly that you're always making a choice." --Lina Wertmuller
"Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing." --H.L. Mencken
If It Were That Easy, Don't You Think I'd Have Done It By Now? --T-shirt I want to have made; seems appropriate to a lot of conversations